Transforming cubs into "Big Blue" Tigers

(Originally written for the Big Blue Issue)

Between my two sons, I have learned much about college life through their eyes and experiences. The TSU’s campus has changed a lot in twenty five years but the pride and love my sons feel about TSU have kept me engaged in all things Big Blue.


My eldest son’s college experiences were vastly different from my younger son’s experience. Sending one son to school that graduated not once but twice earned me my Tiger mom survival badge of honor and unofficial "Chairmama" of all blessings from the TSU community. He was a model student that stayed on target and worked various jobs while maintaining his presidential scholarship. He was involved in many activities on campus, ran track and he graduated with honors. He even pledged a fraternity. Busy young man, huh? With my proud mama badge, I boldly thought that I could produce the same results from kid number 2.


“Lord hear my cry” became my prayer of choice when my youngest son stepped on the yard. Baby boy was not a bit of trouble in high school but turned my life upside down trying to figure out what to do about his idea of college and my idea of him being in school. My drama free kid was nothing but a production from getting him enrolled, room assignments, registration, financial aid, shots and physicals…you get the picture. You name the issue, I got a time and date for it. Not one to run from problems as a family, we were not prepared for baby boy’s first year of college.


Same family, community, and college. What was the problem? Two very different young men. I think I nursed somebody too long. To be transparent, I assumed that because big brother had a model college life with few issues, his success would be duplicated just by sheer osmosis in kid number 2. My youngest son was still a baby that I had not let go. He had an easy going spirit and personality and he gave order to my life. I placed more emphasis on baby boy not getting into trouble than preparing him to live away from home. I took care of everything for him which came back to haunt me and hurt him.


Leaving home to attend college is one of the first steps many take on their journey to adulthood. Whether the school is stamped on your child’s birth certificate, across town or two thousand miles away, college life can often distract young people from an education that college offers. Preparing your child for college life should start no later than the 9th grade. Some educators have recommend starting as early as 4th grade. Teaching teens financial literacy, time management, good work habits, personal safety tips while visiting several colleges helps with transforming your college bound teen.


Making sure conversations about college life is talked about often in preparation for school is important. Not just parties and no parental supervision slants but more dialogues about responsibilities as a student. Students will not know everything but it is important that they know the school is a learning environment and not a place to goof off.


With more first generational students attending college, colleges are now having workshops to prepare parents for college life. As I learned, when your child attends college so you attend as well in many aspects. Baby boy was well connected within the TSU family but he needed more help to get focused. We weren’t afraid to pull in others for input. Learning to get paperwork in on time and teaching him to become more responsible about his education were steps to getting him on the right track. We learned he became overwhelmed easily. Overwhelmed? Really? Who knew?


If you have a young person considering college, surround them with positive role models, reasonable accountability, and make sure their focus is education and not school activities. Sometimes hearing from someone other than mom and dad can help with life adjustments. College life can be overpowering when students are not prepared academically, mentally, socially or physically. Start sooner than later and expect the unexpected. I have learned that no two kids are alike in life or in college.Transforming a cub into a Big Blue Tiger takes prayers, patience and preparation.

Nashville's Youth March Against Violence

Saturday, November 14th, 2009 was a memorable day in Nashville. Youth United (a youth lead program supported by Oasis Center) hosted a march for the community to bring awareness about the recent increase in youth violence and homicides in our city.

Youth and adults gathered at the Juvenile Justice Center and marched to the Courthouse lawn chatting “Stop the violence, now”. Drost Kokoye, a freshman at Lipscomb University, and Jairus Carter, a senior at MLK, were MCs for the event that kept the crowd on their feet for several hours. The youth of the city recognized lost lives due to youth violence in the last year. In addition to bringing awareness to the increase of youth violence in Nashville, Youth United also helped promote alternatives to youth violence.

The program was inspirational from beginning to end, including rousing speeches from community and youth leaders. Reverend Neely Williams, the Chairperson of Nashville Community Coalition for Youth Safety, kicked off the program. The Saturday’s event was planned and organized by the young adults. After Reverend Williams stirred up the group, we heard from one of our future leaders, Brandon Smithson, a senior at East Literature Magnet and member of IMPACT. Brandon motivational message was telling our city that young people must have self worth and can be the change to make a difference in Nashville, now. Justin, Dillon, and Aaron, members of Youth Speaks Nashville, show cased their talent by using theater to address the deaths of young black men in the community. Justin London, a spoken word artist, used his poetry to address the senseless murders of young people that is happening around the country. Temika Harris, who studied music at W.O. Smith School, shared her beautiful voice with the group singing Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On”. The songstress’ performance was perfect for the occasion. Tamika closed with Jill Scott’s “Golden.”

Information from various community partners such as, Mayor’s Youth Council, STARS (Students Taking A Right Stand), NPP (Nashville Prevention Partnership), Nashville Public Library, TOTAL (Totally Outstanding Teen Advocates for the Library), Martha O’Bryan Center, Big Brothers, Big Sisters of Tennessee, KAYO (Kurdish American Youth Organization) and the Bethlehem Center were available for the attendees as well as a volunteer opportunities to engage young people. The participating agencies are all invested in alternatives to youth violence.

A vigil ceremony was held to remember the youth lost to violence, as well as a dedication ceremony for the families who have lost loved ones in the act of youth violence.

Participants signed and decorated a mural that will be displayed in local high schools to show support in the fight to end youth violence. What a way to spend the weekend!

Did you say that?

“Ma they are talking about YOU because you talked about ME!” My oldest son called to tell me I had made the news. Not about my recent award for business but about my article I wrote about my favorite subject, my children. He was laughing but I could hear the concern in his voice. “Not everyone will like what I write,” I reassured him. I reminded him of some his poems that I am still trying to figure out.

We chatted about Twitter, my post that got a few folks up in arms, and we discussed what others say I said. We ended the conversation laughing about another incident from his childhood that he knows will make the paper one day. “Ma, you are crazy, got to run”. I held the phone for a second thanking God that I am at a place in life when hearing my son call me crazy was a not a sign of disrespect. It reminded me of my relationship with my mother. It took us much longer to find that peacefulness. My mother has written for years about her life as an educator raising her family in the middle of nowhere with a well known political father. I remember saying to her, “Mom, you said that?” Now, my children are expressing the same words to me.

I realized I had become my mother when she came for a visit several months ago. She was looking at copies of INspired Living and thumbing through the Tennessee Tribune. Throughout the issues were stories of friends, business encounters, and stories about life. My mother, author of several books, ran a newspaper for years and publishes a small community paper now. She brought her paper with her for me to read. “It gives me something to do,” she said. My blogging started years ago to help work through some challenging issues that knocked me off my feet. It was a joy to turn on the computer and write a few words. My book shelf was brimming over with self-help books that did not make sense or help.

My stories, at that time, were about what was driving me insane, work-life balance and trying to raise children that seemed hell bent on raising themselves. Trying to figure out how to be superwoman, supermom, and a business owner was mind numbing and unobtainable. I could not do it all and my failures were up front and center. Admitting I did not have it all together was the first step to moving forward. Sharing with others how not to fall for the myth that we can do it all lead to several writing assignments that were therapeutic.

Parental Wisdom’s publisher asked me to give advice for an online column with millions of readers and soon others followed. My volunteer work with the Oasis Center also became part of my storylines. Volunteering helped me to see I was not alone. My concern about my children and how to balance our life as I managed family values with the harshness of the real world was complicated. I realized young people were experiencing life that collided at the intersection of perception and reality. What I experienced as a child in rural Mississippi was not the experiences of teens from Brentwood to Hendersonville and every place in between. My children were bright and street smart but also naïve. Television gives us glimpses of the world but it can also distort our vision as well. I vowed to not look at life through rose color lens.

I am closer to me children because of our hiccups and mishaps over the last several years. But they are still young people who need guidance. As they are starting and finishing college, I am learning not to smother them but a momma bear will always be a bear. They have given me many sleepless nights but they have also given me many years of joy as well. My stories may not be your story and that is okay. My parents taught me part of enjoying life is to experience people. Especially, people not like you. Everyone has a story. It is what makes us unique and wonderfully made. I encourage everyone to take time to hear from others who are different. It will enrich our lives and help us see our community from diverse perspectives as we get to know our neighbors and learn from the knowledge of others.

My children are my sources of strength, inspiration and motivation for me. My family experiences makes me certified ‘crazy’. But that craziness has produced a determination to live life to the fullest and to help make our community a better place for everyone. As I mature and season with life, I have learned that if you are not being talked about you…then you are not doing anything.

It Takes a Village

I am the perfect imperfect mom. My kids are everything I want to be in life and everything I want to change about me. I try to celebrate their uniqueness by keeping them engaged and involved in our community.

Raising my oldest, Franz, was as taxing as my youngest. I actually earned my stripes with him. He was too smart for his own good and no matter where we put him, his inquisitive nature got him trouble. He was not a bad kid and never did anything to hurt others; he just got into trouble…often.

When he attended school at MLK, Dr. Saffell-Smith was the principal. I introduced myself to her at the first parent-teacher conference and told her he was going to be a handful. Any advice she had to give, I was willing to listen. I am not a parent to complain about a teacher’s authority and I have always supported anyone who cultivates leadership and growth in my children. Dr. Saffell-Smith’s patience was put to test within the first month of school. A call about his rambunctious behavior was the beginning of my relationship with Dr. Saffell-Smith.

Dr. Saffell-Smith and I talked weekly. She never let him get away with anything. She was the first to bring up the word mentor with me. While I was frustrated and yelling, she remained calm and encouraging. She never gave up even when I wanted too. She introduced David Bullock to our family. At that time, David worked for FANUC Robotics. They had similar spirits and complimented each other well. Under David's watchful eye, my son started networking and working for himself. David gave him small projects to complete that would earn him income. Earning his own money at an early age was the key to helping him value being independent later.

My kid, who gave me migraines and sleepless nights, graduated with honors from MLK in 2004. He chose his college (TSU), he worked out his scholarship offers and took the lessons he learned from his schools, his principles, his mentor and family with him. The good, the bad and the ugly were all part of building his character. He navigated his college education by building a support network among his professors and peers. His sophomore year, he joined the track team and promised me he would not allow track to distract him from his studies.

The decision to run track while studying sports medicine was not my choice for him but he was “grown” and what could I say. The conversations about school and post graduate studies were peppered with track meets. I was afraid he was being diverted from his education. We came to an impasse his senior year when I was informed he was not going to march in May. He said he had a track meet. The words I uttered that day can never be taken back. He told me later, he had already hung up his cell and never heard me. Thank God.

He marched August 8, 2008. He was number one in his school and carried the flag. My tears flowed freely as I shouted his name. I acknowledge, his four years of college was around the time of his sibling’s crazy phase. Franz graduation’s helped me to realize that a mother never stops wanting the best for her children. He started grad school the following month. He was also hired as the assistant strength coach. Looking at his schedule, I mentioned school/ work balance. He hurriedly told me he can manage both. Not only was he independent but he was determined.

This summer, I turned my attention to my youngest son and his laid back attitude about life. He was feeling my wrath. While I was dealing with his younger brother, Franz went to Colorado with Coach for three weeks. He mentioned a training event but no other details were given.

When he returned home, he looked as if he found his calling in life. He was a trainer and guide for the Paralympics for Team USA. He worked with blind runners for two weeks at the U.S. Olympics facilities in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Did I ask about school and work? No. I have learned; he knows what he is doing. It truly takes a village…two more to go. Now don’t go anywhere, I need you.

The Real Spidey Movie

My customers come from all genres and are as eclectic as my jewelry box. Many have been with me through my career changes. One of my favorite groups of customers are those in the film industry. When I transformed from diva to pest control operator, I brought my clients from that business with me. I also market my pest control services to the production companies and theater groups.

Tennessee is a mecca for production companies. Generous tax incentives given to lure Hollywood to the Volunteer state and Tennessee’s right to work status causes companies to flock here in droves. Because of the state‘s climate, pest control issues can plague a set while filming a film, commercial, video or producing a play. Recently, I got a call from one of my favorite casting directors about a pest control issue that threaten the future of a film project. Never one to miss an opportunity to network and audition, I was out the door as soon as I hung up.

Following an hour drive to Smith County, I arrived to see a crew looking anxious and rattled. I was ushered to the production office as if I was Nicole Kidman and the star of my own show. There I was greeted with hugs by the executive producer, production manager, the director and a host of staff. Feeling the anxiety, I asked what could possibly have everyone so uptight. I was informed by the AD that the rented home, which was the backdrop of the storyline, was vacant except for the brown recluse spiders.

Geez. God must be angry with me, I thought. Why not fires ants, cave crickets, funky Mexican beetles, even a snake...but not that nightmare with legs- the brown recluse spider. My acting skills kicked in big time because I was cool as a cumber outwardly, but I could feel the pressure on my chest. Brown recluse spiders, with a production company, were a tall order. I did not want the film company’s budget on my shoulders. I asked Anna, the accountant and long time customer, to give me the production cost per day for filming and the schedule for scene sequences. She jotted a few figures on a note pad that made my jaw drop. With that in mind, I told them I would need to be paid in cash and needed to see the home before I committed to the job.

The AD and I walked up the long drive way to the rustic two-story home. I asked how they got into this situation without talking to HPC beforehand. Oftentimes, we would service a home or stage days prior to the shoot date. He said the location scout knew the home owners. I gave him a "fire the scout look" and he nodded silently. As we got closer, he reminded me of the number of referrals he had sent me over the years and stressed how much he needed me.

Entering the home, I realized why it was chosen for the scenes. The view was beautiful and the empty, spacious rooms were perfect for filming. We moved up the steps quietly. Reaching the top of the steps, I suddenly felt as if I had entered a house of horrors. Spiders were everywhere and suddenly I became conscious of my exposed arms. I returned to my truck to get a Tylek suit, which is a white head to toe coverall. I could sense the fear from the crew as they watched silently. As I was zipping up my suit, I felt the eyes of the camera operators looking as if they were third graders watching “Saw”. I jokingly told them that the suit was my secret weapon to dropping twenty pounds before hitting the red carpets. My joke was not acknowledged. No one laughed. The air was thick with tension. This group of people was knowledgeable about brown recluse spiders.

We returned to the house. Spiders and insects from every genus lurked in the rooms. In light fixtures, on the walls, in cracks, and along the baseboards--bugs had invaded the house along with a profusion of brown recluse spiders. I could not hide my dismay. The look on the AD’s face could not be produced by any bloodcurdling movie. And the sweat on his forehead had nothing to do with the heat. After being upstairs for only short while, a few spiders were on my suit.

We made our way outside and out of view of the crew. We carefully peeled off my suit and double checked for spiders on our clothing. Then we had a brutally frank conversation. The job was not my dilemma but adequate time to complete the work thoroughly would be the challenge. Several days would be needed to work and filming was scheduled to start the next day. I told him he had a huge problem on his hand. Working on a set with a brown recluse infestation, would produce unscripted screams and frightening consequences. If I committed to doing the job, I was not willing to make any guarantees. The staff would want to hear from ME about their safety and I was not going to withhold information from the crew, which were made up of long time customers and friends. Their confidence in me was too valuable to lose. He was in a serious jam and we both knew it. Once we exhausted the number of “what ifs” and risks involved, we took back all talking points to the waiting staff and the crew.

My message to everyone was worthy of an Oscar. I explained the possibilities and what was impossible under the circumstances. I needed to reschedule commercial clients to accommodate the Smith County job. HPC was not made up of miracle workers but we would do the job, without promises, if we were given more time. We agreed to start that day and I made a phone call to an elderly couple in Wilson County who owned a home with a similar majestic view. She contracted to allow them to film outdoor scenes while we worked to rid the house of the fear-provoking spiders.

We started working at 2:00 pm and did not stop until 8:00. The next two days, we worked from 6am to 9pm with an hour break. The home was unfit for filming or living. Spiders were in every imaginable corner of the house. The attic was the mother of all lairs. Vacuuming removed many spiders but the more we vacuumed the more the bugs kept coming. We cracked and creviced the entire home with environmental insecticide sprays, dusts, and aerosols. HPC is one of the few companies that will not laden a home or office with sticky boards and hand over an invoice. We use the old fashion method of seek and destroy. It is very time consuming and tedious work. Did I mention an outside wall was covered in ivy? And not to leave out the creep chimney that had a throbbing web in it that looked like a glob with hairy legs. This was not the largest brown recluse job we have ever undertaken by any means but the turnaround time made this job complex. We are known for our public awareness ads educating families about the dangers of brown recluse. The ads are placed in program guides of Little League sports teams. Knowledge is power and informed moms and dads give us customers who are concerned about the family’s welfare. Rarely do we deal with price shopping landlords or government entities.

Brown recluse spiders thrive in homes and offices. They breed inside walls, in boxes, basements, attics and other out of the way places. This vacant home was the perfect environment for spiders that have no natural enemies. Left untreated, a bite from this spider can cause serious damage to living tissue within hours. Necrosis, death of the flesh, is extremely painful. The venom from the spider is lethal to the muscle. The dead tissue must be surgically remove often leaving scars that are disfiguring and gruesome looking. I have seen bites that have left individuals in the ICU. A wound can take months to heal and sometimes reopen years after a bite.


When we finished the job, the crew returned to film but asked us to remain on the set. I was the pest control guru complete with a trailer and phone in movie land. Talk about the role of a lifetime. The crew was gracious and thankful. I got my ‘star’ in the production manager’s rolodex. I received a call from Tennessee’s film commission office asking me to submit my info to the state’s website. For you non-Hollywood folks (via Tennessee), that’s big. This horrific story ends with happy customers and my kid’s tuition getting paid.

To my former agent who told me I was a fool to start a pest control company, watch the credits baby-my name will be on the big screen after all!

A Media drive-by hits TSU

Definitions of drive-by:
“Done or made in a quick or cursory manner”. Webster’s Dictionary

“A drive-by shooting (or drive-by or "D.B." for short) is a form of hit-and-run tactic, an attack carried out by an individual or individuals from a moving or momentarily stopped vehicle. It often results in bystanders being shot instead of, or as well as, the intended target. The objective is to overwhelm the target by a sudden, massive amount of firepower without attention to accuracy”. Wikipedia

According to Urban Dictionary, a “drive-by” media attack implies to shallow, sensationalist, sound-byte-heavy news coverage á la Fox News. Such coverage focus on the scandalous, relies on a reader’s short attention-span, and offers controversial "news" that is mostly cover-up, and/or spin for political purposes.

TSU was on the wrong page at the wrong time and suffered wounds inflicted by our city’s oldest newspaper. An attention grabbing headline on the front page of Saturday’s Tennessean screamed, “TN grad rate is third worst”. Underneath the bold font a large photo depicted students walking on campus, one wearing a shirt that read, “I love TSU”. My youngest son handed me the paper, commenting in a depressed voice, “Mom, TSU has been hit again.”

After seeing the headlines, I put it away to read later. I confess, when I see article after article speaking ill of TSU, I don’t rush to read a negative story. Many of my friends, black and white, often tell me they do not bother to read any TSU story because it is rare any good is reported. “A picture is worth a thousand words”, is an old wise saying. The picture and headline together was a drive-by that left future and current students injured.

For the rest of the story, you have to turn to page 11A where half a page is devoted to the copy. A second photo of TSU records department is prominently placed at the top of the article. The caption underneath the photo in smaller font reads “TSU fairs better than most Tennessee colleges in graduation rates”. I read the article whose headlines seemed to imply that the story was about TSU’s graduation rates. I read the article three times and pondered why the newspaper used TSU’s pics on page 1 and 11 to accompany the sensational headline when the story referenced Belmont, MTSU, and Vanderbilt, and, presumably, all state colleges and universities, public and private. The story gives facts and quotes from the Southern Regional Education Board’s spokesman, Alan Richard and quotes from professors Franklin (MTSU), Gonzalez (Belmont), and Flores (Vanderbilt). A Vanderbilt student is quoted as well. The article discussed in detail issues surrounding Hispanics and Blacks finishing high school and college. College challenges that can be unique to ethnics groups and solutions to close educational gaps were vetted in the article.

On my second reading of the article, I realized no TSU professor or personnel is cited in the story. The article ends by focusing on Ashley Hernandez, 21, a first generation student at Vanderbilt University. But she is taking summer classes at the TSU. In summary, she compares Vanderbilt and TSU. (Duck, here comes the bullets).

At Vanderbilt, Hernandez said, it's unusual if she e-mails a professor and does not hear back from him within a few hours. At TSU, a response can take days.

Wow. Can someone call the corner’s office; folks, I believe we have a fatality. I contacted the reporter to ask why the headline with a picture of TSU was run, when professors from other universities were quoted. Or why not a picture of Miss Hernandez, a Vanderbilt student, with a “I love Commodores” t-shirt on?
Since I am “fair and balanced” like Fox news, I gave her my thoughts on the story. After hearing the reporter’s responses to my questions, I asked if I could quote her. She stated she was not aware she was being interviewed. I was not interviewing her but our conversation was interesting. Our dialogue gave insight to a two prong devil’s fork. The story was not about TSU. But when the paper ran the headlines with TSU’s students in the first photo, used a second photo of TSU’s admission personnel and ended the article with the statements from a part-time student complaining about the university; TSU became its sole target. The reporter was stating facts I was told and it is not the job of a reporter to be concerned about the reputation of TSU. Ouch. My point to her was the photos conveyed a message about TSU which did not connect with the story to me. Her story had an odd smelling odor.

I realized after several push backs, a tiger’s stripes are permanent. My take away from our conversation is that TSU needs to be concerned about the school’s reputation and be proactive in showcasing the schools most precious assets, the students and its outstanding programs. Profiling students and the numerous contributions that are made to society through the university, while marketing to national media outlets are crucial to the school’s long term health. Focusing on a return call back from a newspaper for a positive story is ludicrous at this point. Basic networking teaches us; your message and image are yours to craft and control. How TSU is viewed, is critical to the overall funding, fundraising, recruitment, and retention of students. To roll over and not call out perceived or actual media bias feeds the negative messages that photos under glaring headlines can leave. Public relations have evolved into personal relationship management. The PR of old does not exist anymore in the age of social media.

I strongly suggest to TSU’s leadership to look through their roster of incredibly talented PR graduates who would understand that PR does not mean faxing a press release and invest in a firm that will work night and day to bring all the hidden gems of TSU to the forefront. As part of a long term strategy to build and strengthen community relationships, I would provide interns to local and national media outlets. Allowing the media to work directly with TSU’s talented student body would limit the number of media casualties. Locally, positive stories are usually buried on page 9 of the auto section. In the meantime, I called 911 and asked the diversity police to keep under surveillance the media on Broadway. I believe a crime took place on its front page Saturday, July 11.

AEG Teaches BET "How to be an Entertainment Company" 101

After watching the coverage of Michael Jackson, I noticed many similarities and differences between the AEG and BET televised events. Both are companies that are in the business of staging concerts, television productions and are part of larger conglomerates. BET targets African-American between the ages 18-34 as their marketing base. AEG developed and operates the $150 million official U.S. Olympic Training Facility.

AEG, which was heavily invested in the Michael Jackson upcoming tour, is part of AEG Live. The AEG brand includes managing sport arenas around the world, merchandising, and corporate sponsorship and marketing. BET is part of Viacom which includes VH1, MTV, Nickelodeon, CMT and Comedy Central to name a few. Anyone in the entertainment industry would recognize the power of three short letters, BET or AEG, which employ thousands. That would include camera operators, sound engineers, set designers, travel agents and key board operators. Both entities have contact to talented artists worldwide and can sermon them at a moment’s notice.

AEG’s commitment to excellence was evident in the production of MJ’s home going ceremony. From the details of the printed program to the orchestrated performances of the stars, their desire to ensure MJ’s messages of empowerment, hope, humanitarian endeavors, and his musical genius were reflected in every facet of the production. As I have said previously, how a show starts usually determines how it will end. With the opening song “Going to see the King”, you knew the program would have a spiritual connotation despite the fact an entertainment company was in charge. The attention to details was impeccable. His coordinated brothers were his pall bearers who wore his signature glove. It reminded us that MJ started his musical journey with his brothers. They honored MJ’s independence from the group, by wearing his coveted trademark with loving pride. That symbolic touch was the start of a service that remained elegant from beginning to the end.


BET repeated excuse that it only had a few days to prepare a ‘tribute’ revealed their commitment to mediocrity and throwing things together at the last minute. Their justification for the lack of quality and care gave life to the word “ghetto”. The artistry of the talent on the stages gave you a glimpse of how the two brands view themselves. AEG understood that the eyes of the world were on them and how it managed this program was an investment in how they will be perceived by everyone. BET was the first to honor MJ’s legacy but did not understand the significance of the world’s penetrating glare. The program was marketed as a tribute to MJ but they were not able to turn off their usual misogynistic, sexist, and degrading antics of its own people to realize the social responsibility that was expected of them by fans from around the world to honor MJ’s legacy. BET also misjudged its community and the power of the internet, via blogs and Twitter, to do what others have not been able to accomplish for years, shame them for their programming.

There are many actors and actresses in black community but only a few have won Oscars. Both AEG and BET had African-American Oscar Winners, Jamie Fox and Jennifer Hudson, on their stages. Jamie and Jennifer are musical prodigies but Jennifer used her voice to echo MJ’s talent and Jamie used his voice to mock MJ. Funny stories were shared by many close to MJ at AEG’s event; their stories were heartfelt and respectful. Absence was the buffoonery that Jamie exhibited at BET.

AEG included various artists from Motown, which was part of MJ’s history as well as a strong influence in the black community. BET had access to Motown executives and artists also. They have honored Diana Ross, Barry Gordy, and Quincy Jones in recent years. I remember Miss Ross admonishing the audience to respect each other with their lyrics and dances. Both companies had athletes on stage. AEG athletes, Kobe and Magic, shared firsthand stories about MJ that made everyone laugh. BET’s Athlete of the Year, LeBron James, was booed by the audience. No public apology was issued to LeBron James or his legions of fans watching. AEG used their arsenal of contacts for the greater good and used MJ’s music to unite the world. In contrast, BET does not understand the value of maintaining healthy community and artistic relationships from different genres, musical eras, and backgrounds.



Each song that was performed at the memorial highlighted MJ’s legacy. His songs were the heart of the service. The songs that were not his songs, like Smile, were song because they were meaningful to him and touched MJ in a special way. The song “Every Girl” included in BET’s show and sung by baby maker, Lil Wayne, seems an odd choice whether you are a fan of MJ or not. It’s hard to believe Lil Wayne cared about a tribute to MJ. But on the other hand, Usher’s performance was loving and unforgettable. Not only did he move the audience emotionally with his presentation, but you knew his tearful tribute was from the heart. In fact, when I listened to BET’s replay, the tribute was riddled with profanity, plugs for new releases, concerts appearances, and various BET “products”, i.e. reality shows, that will do more harm than good to its demographics.


There was no stage or casket sponsorship with AEG. But BET’s sponsors were mentioned every few minutes. Jennifer Hudson, who wore a modest white dress, did not leave us questioning her attire. Whereas Beyonce’s white outfit, left many bewildered. Both women had others on stage with them, but the additional people on the stage with Jennifer were the chorus who gave you a visual that MJ’s songs reflected his admiration of diversity and international inclusion. Beyonce’s extras on stage were part of her costume change that emphasize her “showmanship” not MJ’s words that tells us, “In the promise of another tomorrow, I'll never let you part for you're always in my heart”. AEG even muzzled Joe Jackson and did not prominently showcase him or his coonery. BET gave him a world stage that left us all wondering why in God’s name would anyone give him a mic or MJ’s children.



AEG gave an emphasis to Michael Jackson’s childlike heart in many respects and ended their memorable tribute with children singing his words, with smiles and joyful hearts that radiated from the stage. The last words spoken regarding the greatest entertainer in the world was an unexpected announcement from his daughter that her “Daddy was the greatest father in the world”. It left critics speechless and moved the rest of the world to tears.


On the other hand, BET’s children who were on stage left me speechless and in tears but for reasons that has been addressed by thousands of angry emails and tweets to Debra Lee.

In the end, AEG showed us it was not about Michael Jackson, but the mark he left on the world. They managed to show that in spite of the years of suspicion, two trials and media debauchery, he made contributions that cannot be argued or denied. His monetary gifts of 300 million to global agencies have touched thousands of lives but his songs will live “forever, and forever, and forever”. BET showed us that it was all about them, and they shot themselves in the foot. They drew attention to everything that is wrong with BET’s brand and why it hurts the black community on a wide-reaching stage. The stereotypes of the African- American community, that many fight every day, were front and center.

AEG will make millions from the reproduction of ceremony and the memorabilia copyrights. They invested in MJ’s ceremony and made their name a household brand. Their stock will increase and they will become known as the entertainment company for quality production events. BET made a few thousands and proved why they are becoming irrelevant in the entertainment community. They will be forever and forever and forever remembered for their failed attempt to honor an African-American musical intellectual that transcended race, religion, and politics. They did not take the time to view the long term value of honoring MJ right the first time, even on a smaller scale. The lessons AEG showed us by their actions should be a life lesson for everyone not only BET; the value of your brand is reflective of the standards you set.
Photo Credit: MTV, NBC, www.realtalkNY.net

A Gentle Giant, Remembering Steve McNair

Life in Tennessee is different from my upbringing in Mississippi. That statement is not a criticism but to share my viewpoint is often shaped by my simple home training. I fight daily against pop culture’s idolization of individuals to keep myself and my kids grounded. I refuse to put anyone on a pedestal. People are people and their interactions with others speak louder than any publicist’s press release. Having worked in the PR field, I know this all too well.

My grandfather and my dad showed, by their actions, that fathers are providers and protectors of their families. Uncles from Chicago to Mississippi filled in the gaps along the way. The men in my family, though not always perfect, led by positive example. In turn, their example helped me to teach my children what was expected of them. One of the lessons I have taught my kids is to never worship anyone, especially stars and athletes..

My kids' love for their dad comes with much admiration and respect. Both grandfathers are active in their lives and they are surrounded by positive male role models. I seek out community “doers” to help mold them so they may learn firsthand; life is not all about them.

Coach Gilliam has been mentioned every day since they were tots. Something Coach said or did is repeated often. Coach’s influence is everywhere in our household; from my sons’ love of TSU to the Steelers’ memorabilia everywhere. When my oldest son went off to college, he had a solid curriculum of Coach Gilliam’s lessons taught to him by his dad. When he moved into his first apartment, to our surprise and delight, his neighbor was none other than the legendary Coach Gilliam. The stories of his youth came full circle. He became a Coach Gilliam story teller and started the second generation of Holmes that was impacted by Coach Gilliam. He is now Coach Holmes in graduate school passing on the stories of a living legend that he loves dearly.

Steve McNair is the only other person who passed my star/athlete litmus test with my family. McNair was considered “kin”, a transplant from Mississippi and an Alcorn (pronounced All-corn) graduate. In my extended family, ASU or JSU were the schools of choice. Only a few of us did not follow the pack. With Alcorn being only few miles from my home, I knew Alcorn like my kids know TSU. My mom, Dr. Stringer, taught at ASU for years. The SWAC was the NFL to me. Several relatives played ASU sports, so I know McNair’s bio like my kids know Joe Gilliam. McNair’s leadership and generosity was well known prior to him stepping into the NFL spotlight. Even after he became a huge star, he remained humble and without pretense.

I saw Steve McNair’s kindness without the filter of PR lenses. He visited Bethlehem Centers (BCN) to encourage the youth and wowed many young boys at his football camps in several states. Corn, my youngest son, attended his camps and was in awe that a NFL pro threw him the ball. Several McNair’s camp participants are now playing college football. Two years ago, McNair funded a summer program for BCN. To show the agency’s appreciation, Joyce Searcy asked me to take framed artwork by the kids to McNair. You would have thought I handed over a Grammy. He was gracious and I remember saying, “Joyce is ‘kin’, she’s from Miss.” Of course, he knew, since Joyce had no problem reminding McNair about their shared Mississippi connections.

When I became Founder/Chair of Minorities in Pest Management (MPM), I traveled often to raise money to award scholarships to get students involved in the lucrative but elusive pest control industry. My desire to help HBCUs’ students was usually met with opposition from the administrators of the schools and industry insiders. I mentioned my frustration to a friend who shared the info with McNair. Through his contacts, ASU got involved and several former ASU graduate students are now working in a field that usually overlooks minorities. MPM members requested him as a speaker year after year; not because he was a celebrity but because he showed an interest in MPM when industry folks thought we were crazy. McNair opened doors without asking for any recognition.

That was typical and classic McNair; his love for people was evident. When Katrina hit the Gulf Coast, the focus was New Orleans. But McNair reminded the world that Mississippi was devastated as well. He used his money to help fill twenty tractor trailers for family, friends, and communities in the Magnolia State. The Wolcotts, friends with hearts that matched McNair’s, sent out pleas on his behalf for help and volunteers responded in droves. From sunup to sundown, they stacked, sorted, and loaded trailers to send down I-55. I called home and told folks McNair’s Calvary was on its way. Within 48 hours, trailers brimming with much needed supplies were in Mississippi. When the USA Army could not get through, McNair’s generosity found a way.

The loss of McNair is overwhelming on so many levels. His life touched many lives every day. He was a bear with such an enormous heart. “Country strong,” my dad would say. McNair was flawed like all of us and his death was tragic, but his love for others will shine brightly. I could not allow this week to go by without expressing my thoughts about the gentle giant. God Bless you Mechelle and the kids. You are in my prayers.

NFL Great, Brig Owen, Speaker for Minorities in Pest Management

Richard Diggs, Brig Owen, and Ka Tsu at Legislative Day 2009


NFL record holder and DC philanthropist, Mr. Brig Owen, shared his success on and off the field with members of Minorities in Pest Management(MPM) at Legislative Day for NPMA. Brig Owens, Esquire, is a partner in The Bennett Group, a sports management and real estate development firm. In addition to representing a number of professional athletes in football, basketball and hockey, the firm specializes in developing and managing commercial office buildings in Washington, D.C.

Prior to founding his own firm, Mr. Owens, served as assistant executive director and associate counsel to the National Football League Players Association (NFLPA) from 1979-1984. While with the NFLPA, Mr. Owens was a member of the negotiating team that developed a new collective bargaining contract with the National Football League. In addition to his responsibility in the operation of the Players Association, he developed the Association’s Financial Planning, Career Counseling and Employee Assistance Abuse Programs. Mr. Owens also created the Professional Athletes Youth Foundation and Community Service Department of the NFLPA where he raised over $10 million to implement a Youth Development Programs in ten cities across the nation. This program developed by Mr. Owens, was selected by the Department of Education as one of the top exemplary program in the United States.

Brig Owens is a former thirteen year veteran of the National Football League and seven year player representative and defensive captain for the Washington Redskins. After being drafted by the Dallas Cowboys in the 1965, Mr. Owens was traded to the Redskins in 1966 to begin his twelve year career as a Redskin defensive back. Mr. Owens holds the number two spot for most passes intercepted (36) by a Redskin, holds career records for most yards on interception returns (686) and most interceptions returned for touchdowns. In addition, he was selected as one of the 70 Greatest Players in the Washington Redskin history.

Among his many accomplishments, Mr. Owens served a s a member of the Central Caribbean Task Force and served on former Vice President Mondale’s Task Force on Youth Employment. He presently serves on the Lombardi Foundation, NFL Players Agent Advisory Board, NFL Players Tryst Foundation, National Board of Medical Examiners, Visual Greens.com Board, Venture Philanthropy Partners Board and Greater Washington Community Foundation Board. He also developed a highly recognized Leadership Drug Prevention Program in Washington, D.C. middle and high schools called Super Leaders. In addition, he and his partner are sponsors of the “I Have a Dream” program which guarantees a student a college education if they stay in school, maintain their grades and graduate from high school.

Brig Owens, who is a published author, graduated from the University of Cincinnati (where he was an All American football player), attended Antioch School of Law, and received his Doctorate of Juris Prudence from Potomac Law School.

(MPM members would like to thank Richard Diggs, CEO of Alexandria Pest Services, for securing Mr. Owens for this engagement.)

Photo credits Brig Owen and Ka Tsu

Michelle Obama and My Stimulus Check

When I read the new stimulus cuts that have been signed into law, I must admit it was not very much in the bill that is going to help me and my family right now. Today, tomorrow, or next Wednesday at 4:00pm for that matter. I know I am not going to get a loan anytime soon, nor will the fifteen dollars extra go into my lint lined pockets. But then again, I am one dollar from being a millionaire and twenty-five cents from being bankrupt. That is the life of many pest control operators at the moment.

When I think of the weatherization part of the bill, where everyone will get a tax incentive to fix up their homes to keep warm in the winter and cool in the summer,I get a little ticked. If we are going to help everyone with their homes, I wonder why Congress did not throw pest control services in there with everything else. Can we get everyone's bugs under control? Now, if that was part of the package,I might be signing a different tune.

Times like this got me putting two careers to work. My part time career, got an ace in the hole with the Obama's new stimulus plan. It is not written in the bill per se but it is up close and in your face. That ace is the First Lady, Michelle Obama. Mrs. Obama has given new life to women of color in the fashion industry and many young designers. Her style and poise are making the every day woman look good and she put curves in couture. She got me working out twice a day because the agents are calling. After a brief hiatus from the fashion pages, I have been called back to work thanks to Mrs.O. Ad agencies are calling to put black models in the pages of magazines, in television commercials, and film projects. For me, life has been very, very good lately due to Mrs. O's influence. Mrs. Obama has single handily done what no agent or diversity program could do for me, she made it acceptable and a must have to feature black women in a positive and flattering light in the advertising and fashion industry. Gone are days are putting Lil' Kim on the cover of any magazine.

And to go one step further, one agent said "we are looking for mothers, executives types, and you are not excluded if you are over forty." Thank God. Real women with real ages, not someone who looks like she had not eaten a two piece ever in her life. Curves are okay. This is heaven. I have been in and out of the business for nearly twenty-plus years and I am hearing things, I never thought I would hear. Black, a mother, in her forty is now the IN look for fashion.

Mrs. O has given me an unexpected stimulus. She is changing the face of the fashion industry by just being her self. Half naked, girls with ribs showing are no longer in style. Women who are act like teens will not be the new cover girls. Drama and dysfunction is out of style. Real hair is okay! J Crew is the new JC Penny and ordering off line has replaced shopping at the mall. Being a mom and raising your kids while never letting them forget that you have several degrees, is not only good for the fashion industry but good for families as well.

I did not get much from the new law signed this week directly, but I got far more than I expected when the Obamas decided to go to Washington. I got Mrs. O as a fashion icon, a role model and a new life on an old career.

Reality TV and the Business of having a bunch of Kids!

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Update: Mom of Octuplets did her first interview on the Today Show. I got the weird feeling that I was watching Angie Jolie without the adoptions but the same expression on her face. I am Angel Jolie. Geez, God help me I am trying not to judge here.

I was watching the Today Show when I learned of the mother in California who had not a set of twins, not triplets, but eight babies. I was working out on my Gazelle and my first reaction was to touch my stomach to make sure there was nothing in my outdated uterus. I thought "God help her" and put the thought quickly out of my mind.

I must say I recoiled in horror when I learned later that the mom had six other kids. All under of the age of seven. I immediately thought damn The Gosselins and the Duggars. Jon and Kate Plus 8 and 17 kids and Counting are reality shows on TLC Channel that follow large families around documenting what it is like to raise a van load of kids. Reality TV has warped our vision of everything decent in America.

What ever happened to having a bunch of kids because you did not know having that two or three kids was okay? I come from a family of big families. My mother was number four from a litter of twelve, my dad was the youngest of eight, and I am the oldest of five. 4-8-5, box and straight. I lived in a small town where your family size determined how long you stayed for choir practice or if your team won a state championships. (So please don't think I am against anything about the number of kids or who can and cannot have kids). I was raised before the days of fertility clinics and donated sperm banks. I can hear my granddaddy saying, "why would you want people seeing you raising your kids, that is what you suppose to do?" The man who raised his children's children would not find it very exciting having cameras following him as he whipped our butts for various offenses throughout the day.

My concern is that we are seeing gigantic families being glamorized by reality tv and impressions have been drawn that the more kids you have the more money you make. This is not the real world. TLC Channel makes a fortune from The Gosselins and the Duggars and they in turn have become very wealthy sharing their families with the world. And I ain't mad at them.

But to the untrained eye or unschooled mind, many do not see the number of assistants that show up to produce an episode or the reported number of churches and volunteers that give to help serve these families. Nor do you see the PR agents contacting companies for product placements on the shows and every conceivable free item they can get. One mention of a brand on any given episode can be worth its weight in gold. Everyone wants to see these families lives and to see them succeed. Although we may question their ethics, it WAS cute at one time to wonder how do they managed with all those kids in this day and time.

The Duggars started off as a family who was living out their religious beliefs. But after several appearances on morning programs over the years, the idea to pitch this wholesome brood to the public at large led to a number of lucrative deals and a weekly TV show. They now have eighteen children and counting. Mrs. Duggar had her kids the old fashion way, "Oops, honey I am pregnant, again."

Kate and Jon Gosselin got in on the act with their kids and we saw a different type of parenting show. Kate had a little help from fertility drugs and she believed her miracle children should be helped out by everyone. This was the first time we actually heard someone say, "You owe me help, I got a bunch of kids that I planned to have." This show does not come off as wholesome and we can see where this couple is a younger more edgier reality-tv generation. Kate was the first "mother" from TLC that had a little of 'Real Housewives of OC' air about her. Drama and dysfunction seem to be okay in their household. While the Duggars may leave you baffled, they had a fan club following from day one. Kate and Jon Gosselin did not bring natural wholesomeness to the your local channel right away. For everything the Duggars represent; order, grounded, spirituality and perkiness, the Gosselins are just the opposite. Chaotic, self-centered, religious, and bitchiness. The two shows represent two generational mindset on raising kids in front of the cameras. Both are making pay dirt and both are selling us a delusional world. A world that may have influenced our California mom to step off the edge and take the plunge into the world of actually producing babies for a television deal and product endorsements for her and her children. Folks this has just gotten ugly.

A single mother living with her parents, the world is not going to be as gracious and as loving to her and her decision to raise fourteen kids. The hospital bill for one preemie along can run into the hundred of thousands. We see this was planned out without a plan other than "here are my babies, let's make a deal". This is where the gravy train got derailed. There will be takers(offers and deals galore) but it will not be without outrage. Where Kate Gosselin left off, this mom stepped in and said I will take this another mile or so.

She is responsible for her decision to have her kids, but my goodness, flip the switch and darken her skin a bit and the outcry would be louder. Single mom making bad decisions and living off the government would be the headlines in much larger print. Where is Anne Coulter on this issue by the way? Wouldn't she be a perfect guest speaker at the next OB-GYN fertility convention?

Back to reality television shows depicting motherhood as a paid adventure. In my mom getting-together-for-drinks-while-raising-teens club, all of us are screaming what the hell is going in America. The club member with four kids was nearly in tears trying get to our monthly meeting. Her kids practices were all scheduled at four different parks. No one had anything good to say about the mom in California. Are we mad and want to get an endorsement deal with paid assistants? Well, of course. But truth be told, no amount of money in the world could get me to try to raise more than my lot of three. Love my darlings dearly, but love my sanity even more.

Reality Television should be renamed to Altered Reality. It has desensitized us to the truth and leaves false expectations for those who have not learned that most of the shows are scripted. I do not know what will happen with the mom. I hate that she was not given serious counseling prior to making this decision. I hope the doctors who participated in this get hauled before the medical review board. I pray for the grandparents who seem to have been caught in the middle of watching a grown child make a decision that will affect all of them. Most of all, I pray for her children. I hope they get the support they need. They did not ask for any of this. In the meantime, I hope that reality shows depicting parenting as pay-to-play adventure get canceled before a young mom decide to bring 12 kids into the world for the mother of all deals.

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Hillsboro vs. Maplewood, Thursday Night Lights Football Mom Style

Baby Boy, Corn to the world, had a much better week this week. He is still riding the bus and making it home in once piece. Hillsboro played in their second televised game of the season. As I sat in the bleachers watching the game, I noticed that our high school games can garner as much media as the Titans. This game was a rematch of last year's season ender for Hillsboro, so much was at stake.

Hillsboro came on the field with a determination to win and it showed. Corn was in on several plays and I was not as concerned about him as I was last week. I was glad on a few plays he was not in the game because the guys in the heap in green and yellow came off the field looking as if they had tackled bricks instead of muscles. Maplewood boys are not missing any meals.

The sounds of helmets hitting each other and seeing a few being knocked off of players do not make this mom feel good. I love the game and I love watching my kid play but I have my limitations. The highlight of the game, for me, was not Hillsboro winning 28 to Maplewood 12 but the awesome spectacle of Maplewood's band and dancing majorettes. I was reminded of the my years growing up near Alcorn State University in Mississppi. My mom and several relatives were professors there and I have a few cousins that attended the college. Steve McNair, a former Titan, is an alumnus of Alcorn. The half time show was an important part of the game as winning. The majorettes were called Golden Girls and they were known for their dance routines and those fancy gold and purple sequins were known around the SWAC conference. They were the south's Rockettes with soul!

Maplewood majorettes were of that style without being hoochie. Precision and flair were all over the place. It got us up-tight folks our of our seats and the Green Hills crowd shook their tail feathers. Imagine that. The entire band joined in on several numbers and showed us how they do it on the other side of town. I was proud of them and clapped through out every number as if my children were entertaining everyone.

As soon as they finished on the field, I brazenly ran over to the other side with all my Hillsboro football mom attire and asked the moms in the crowd how many of their kids have not registered to vote? I conveniently had a few applications on hand. As I stroked the opposing team mothers and complimented the principle and the band director for such a lively half time show, I was shamelessly promoting getting their kids registered to vote. "It is what we football moms do," I told the crowd that was eying me as if I was smoking something. It worked because several moms took applications, twelve to be exact.

What a night, a win for Corn, a great halftime show, and twelve moms vowed to registered their football players to vote. Not bad for a Thursday night at the game.

Genma Holmes talks to Roland Martin about the Young People Vote

Genma Stringer Holmes speaks with Chicago's WVON host and CNN special correspondent, Roland Martin about the importance of getting young people out to the polls. "We normally ask young people to be poll watchers but poll officials are needed as well. Registering our young people to vote is good but teaching them to be poll officials is even better, " Holmes stated to WVON listening audience. She further stated than many voters do not know that poll officials are compensated for their time.

Holmes believes that the office of the Presidency will be decided by 18-34 year olds voters. This age group is never included in polling data and is rarely mentioned by the pundits. Their vote will be crucible to this election stated Holmes. Holmes is also urging football moms to get their sons (and daughters) to the polls early. Early voting will relieve stress and long lines that usually comes with national elections. In a separate interview, Holmes asked what is the difference between a "football mom" and a rottweiler? With a smile, she said "A weave!".

Martin and Holmes are both speakers for the Essence's 5th Annual Leadership Summit.